- For women only; A guide to coming out of your sexual shell
If you are reading this article; it’s highly likely that you need help unleashing the sexy vixen that is in you. No, don’t shy away and turn into another page. You know that I am right. We both know you need to break out of coyness, and you definitely need to be having better sex. What you do not know however is that you are not alone…millions of women out there are yet to experience all the sexual pleasures that their bodies can contain. This article would not attempt to blame our parents for making us scared of sex, or blame society for instilling a concept of shame when it comes to women and their bodies. What we would, however, like to do, is to show you how you can come out of your sexual shell and live up to your fullest potentials…sexually 😉
First, decide that you want to be better at this whole sex thing!
You know what they don’t tell us in church? There is no sex in heaven!!! Oh yeah, I said it! You know how we dream about all the mansions we don’t have here on earth and tell ourselves that; at least we are going to be living in beautiful mansions in heaven, with forever electricity, driving choice cars and enjoying the all-you-can-eat buffet for breakfast, brunch, lunch, supper and dinner? Well, that doesn’t work for sex. So sorry to disappoint you but there is no sex in the after-life. All those fantasies that play in your mind when you are reading a romance novel or binge-watching Power or Being MaryJane (insert favourite TV show with a sexual undertone), they would have to be fulfilled here…on earth. So you need to first decide that you want to live life to the fullest and experience all the sexual desires you have. Determine what your fantasies are…. list them if you can Go on now, take a note and pen (or use the digital one on your phone/pad). You want to have car-sex, highway sex, beach sex, cinema sex, plane sex, hotel bathroom etc. You think you would want to have orgasms more often? Write that down. Are you open to trying out with a dildo? Say that in your note. Do you want to try out the animalistic kinda sex…the hair pulling, nipple nibbling, neck biting, ass spanking, body up against the wall stuff? Well, write that down girl!
Stand in the mirror, naked.
Well, yea!! You have listed what you want to do with your body. Now, you have to learn to love that body. If you don’t love the body you are in, it is highly unlikely that you would drive that body to the heights of insane pleasure. What do you love about your body? Identify your lovely features; fall in love with how uniquely beautiful you were created. I also suggest using a hand mirror to take a peek down there. Get to know your outer lips, your inner lips and your clitoris. Sex isn’t just about a man thrusting in and out of you…a a lot of pleasure lies outside your vagina. Get to meet your new friends and do this exercise as long as you need to until you feel fully confident in your body.
Now I know we were raised to thinking that masturbation is a sin and that girls shouldn’t touch themselves. A lot of us are still held back by those strongholds and I perfectly understand. It took me a long time before I was able to give myself pleasure and you know what I found? When you give yourself pleasure; you learn how your body works and you are able to show your partner how to work your body. If you are a grown woman, still around and waiting for a man to help you achieve orgasm and you haven’t even figured out how to make yourself moan; then you need to enrol for Sex 101. You are an adult; please give yourself permission to find out what makes your body ache and burn with pleasure. Order a vibrator online (you can put your browser on private browsing if you want). You don’t need to start thrusting it into your vagina immediately; use it to stimulate on and around your clitoris first. Use it a few times a week at your leisure and slowly work your way to a full-on sexual experience. You would notice a spike in your sexual appetite and yes, you would know just how long it takes you to climax, the angles that work best for you, how your clitoris likes to be stimulated etc. All these new insightful information can help your partner pleasure you better.
Invest in some sexy ass lingerie!!
Girl, how are you going to feel like a sexy vixen in your free-flowing cotton nightie and grandma panties?? Ever heard the saying “Look good, feel great?” Well, let’s rephrase that: look sexy, feel sexyyyyy! If you want to have mind-blowing sex, you have to dress for the occasion baby! Invest in some sexy ass lingerie, laced panties, pretty nightgowns, role-play outfits and pretty much anything that you connect with. Check online; there are always so many options to choose from. Go for whatever works for you; there is something for every body type. The goal is to dress the mood and get ready for the some of the most amazing sex of your life….and then some.
Watch some porn
I am frankly one of those prim and proper wives/career moms who watch porn periodically (or a repeat of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy). There is no shame in watching porn…as long as you are an adult, you understand that most of it is scripted and you do not develop an addiction to it. By watching porn, you would a lot about foreplay, initiating sex, new positions and even learn about new toys like pleasure rings etc. Porn can also be a good turn on if you watch with your partner. A lot of women are scared of watching porn with their partners because they sense their men might start fantasizing about what they see and get resentful about their imperfect bodies. Well, I would suggest watching amateur porn, which is basically about people with imperfect bodies like you and me getting their groove on. I would like to start a whole different paragraph about enjoying sex in spite of the bodies we are in, but that would be another article on its own. If you are entirely against watching full-blown porns; 21+ rated movies with a sexual undertone, erotic novels and adult magazines can be some options worth considering. Don’t forget that the goal is to learn new tricks and to feel comfortable about the concept of amazing sex.
Communicate with your partner
More than 80 per cent of what our sexual fantasies are made up of, involves a sexual partner. You would do well to carry your partner along, in understanding what your desires are and what role he would have to play to make those dreams come true. If you want to be tied up to the bed poles, blind-folded with his tie (that has his perfume still on it) while he eats up ice cream from your breasts, down to your V region before slowing using his cold lips to part the lips of your vagina and reach deeper for your clitoris…(complete fantasy from here ) then you would have to tell him. Granted some men would jump at it and immediately whip out the ice cream and whatever else is needed, while some guys would need some more convincing. This article is based on the premise that you are in a loving relationship (marriage, preferably) with a partner who cares about you and is willing to make the necessary sacrifices for your happiness. I, however, understand that not of us are; and that’s fine. Maybe your relationship is going through a rough patch at the moment and your man doesn’t feel up to bending to your every whim and caprice. That’s okay; you can start somewhere. Do you have a long list of desires and fantasies? Run them by him and see which one he is okay with doing right now. Some things take time…I mean; if you are doing to ask a decent man to try a threesome or to use an ass plug on you, don’t imagine that would come easy. Start with the easiest ones and work your way up from there. It’s important to state that you do not need to achieve all of your sexual fantasies in order to live a sexually satisfying life. The goal is to come out of your sexual shell and enjoy a deeply pleasurable sexually life; keep your mind on that.
Take the lead
Now, lady; you feel good and confident about yourself, you have some sexy racy outfit on, he knows what goes on in your head and how you want to play, you have learned some new mechanisms from some novel, movie or magazine…it’s time to show ‘em who the boss is. Take the lead and initiate some romance…let him know via a naughty text during the day that you have something planned. Plan ahead and get everything you need…scented candles, a glass of wine, whipped cream, chocolate-dipped strawberries, peanut butter…. I don’t know! Tell him to clear his schedule for the evening and come home early. You know what you got on playing in your mind. Make it happen. If it’s beach sex you want, plan a trip to the beach with him and wait till it’s a little dark; then find a lonely spot and do your thing. If you want a hotel bathroom sex, you would probably need to make a dinner reservation, and then give him heads up about when your bathroom break isn’t really a bathroom break. Be vocal and tell him where and how you want to be touched. Don’t rush the foreplay. Lead him to give you pleasure. Give him pleasure too…sex feels good even when you are giving. Don’t keep your moans in your head; encourage him when he is doing it right. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and let him know he is taking you to heights previously imagined.
Good girl! Now you are coming out of your shell. It won’t happen overnight I presume; so don’t stop at the first trial. Keep at it. You deserve to experience intense sexual pleasure as often as is possible. Keep exploring with your partner and alone. Stay open-minded and also communicate so you can know what his fantasies are (trust me, men have those too). Have fun, you sexy tiger!
– Article by @madeinnaijawifey