So you are finally in a relationship and the love story seems to be going smoothly. He showers you with the gifts and sends you all the lovely text messages. You hang out with him and you spend time with friends talking about the future-Marriage. Suddenly, you noticed while paying attention that he didn’t contribute to the marriage discussion.
Every time questions are thrown at him or he is asked to contribute, he tries to avoid it and cover it up with complaint of stress at work or workload.
Ted is a very nice young man, with a comfortable job and a lovely apartment. He seems to love God, at least he says he does. He attends Sunday school and receives teaching on courtship and preparing for marriage. He recently told you, Debby that he would be joining the work force in church soon. Probably choir you suggested as he has a lovely voice that resonates whenever he sings “Amazing Grace” to you.
You have turned twenty five and he will be turning thirty in a few months. The marriage talk hasn’t yet come up, although he proposed to you out of persuasion. You said “yes” with tears streaming down your face and your hands over your mouth in awe and surprise. But this happened two years ago at the dinner room of Lagoon restaurant with your close friends and loved ones in attendance. Pictures of your proposal flooded every social media network and hit a huge number of likes on Instagram.
But, now, you are too embarrassed to show up the ring in public, that sometimes you even pretend to be married and you place it on the “wedding-ring finger” so people would stop asking when you will get married.
Time is going, clock is ticking, every opportunity that opens to talk about it with Ted (especially when you see a write up or article that addressed your issue) results into arguments with the same excuse, “I am still saving up for the wedding”, “my job is not quite stable” or “I could be transferred to Kafansha anytime soon”. You have prayed, cried to God, spoken to your Parents about it and you still wonder why He would not put the “main” ring on it. You don’t want to appear desperate because you want to remain a classy lady.
But Sis, how long do you want to remain a classy lady in addressing an issue such as this?
Engagement ring is just the rehearsal, the real show is the wedding ring. And if he is not putting a ring on it anytime soon then you might be in a long time relationship with that engagement ring.
Have you checked if Ted doesn’t have commitment issues? Every time discussions about marriage comes up, he usually ignores or avoids contributing. A man with commitment issues will always bring up excuses not to settle down. He is probably scared of the unknown, unprepared, still has some skeletons in his cupboard he has taken care of or he is just still having fun as a single.
To make matters worse, you are known as the FAKE WIFE-TO-BE-you have met his entire family members, you make their favorite meal, how long do you want to be the Chef but not the wife”
You keep consoling yourself he is a good guy who proves responsible yet doesn’t want to take up the responsibility of being a husband soon.
Did you know some men can tie you down with an engagement ring especially when they know you are a reasonable and godly woman until they are ready to commit?
Did you also know a man can finally decide to commit when he is in his late forties?
And are you ready to wait till he is in his “old” enough?
Why waste time on someone who doesn’t have plans of including you in his future?
God is never an author of confusion and I’m sure the angels are confused as to why Ted is wasting so much tim
The fear of leaving a man like Ted springs up when you think you may never find a good man like him. Yet that engagement ring, the mini-handcuff he placed on your finger is hindering the next available and ready man from noticing you?
Although sometimes, this delay could be due to so many reasons but in this case, he is not communicating the main reason to you, only that he keeps giving excuses whenever marriage topic comes up.
He could be having commitment issues.
Pay attention to your instincts, your unconscious mind what is he telling you, breaking up with a Brother like Ted could be difficult as he could be seen begging and weeping for you to wait but waiting won’t put a ring on it, it may not experience putting on a wedding gown nor give birth to a child after nine months. When God says “trust in me or wait on me” he wasn’t referring to waiting on Ted and his indecision nor was did he mean continue to waste your time with Ted, the unserious man.
The man after God’s heart for you will come ready and prepared to wife you not wasting time but court you properly, love you the way Christ loves the Church and give you a precise time to fix the wedding dates. Don’t be caught up in the net of a man who is in between single-hood and marriage. You deserve better than that. You deserve to be loved and accepted by the man after God’s heart for you.
God’s plans for you are of good and not of evil. It is therefore not God’s plan for you to be a “quarter-to-wife”. It is His plan that the man he has for you would find you but washing dishes at scared-to-commit Ted’s house won’t give the serious Boaz the opportunity to notice you.
Would you rather wait till Ted is finally ready like when he is in his forties?
Have you considered your biological time is ticking? Although God makes babies but your season shouldn’t pass you by due to a time-waster.
Truer love is never an author of confusion. If you’re not sure he is rrhe one, you may be right. A queen on her way to her own palace doesn’t take her heart matters with levity; she doles it with clarity.
You always have a choice to return an engagement ring but you might never be able to return a wedding ring. A man who finds it hard to commit might turn out to be irresponsible after all.
You are not a slave neither are you to be used, drained, dumped and discarded. Don’t be surprised if after cooking and washing his Parents’ clothes and finally decides to settle down, he doesn’t settle with you.
There is little shame in calling it quits but there is a lot of shame, pain and betrayal with moving around with an engagement ring that might not lead to the main deal or lead to the main thing at a late time. And remember there is time for everything but never a time to waste or be spent on not being cherished.
If a man sees you as a blessing, he wastes no time in making you a wife. By Eniola Oke