Millennially Speaking – Will I Ever Get Married? by Vanessa June

Will I ever get married? This is a question most people will readily respond with ‘Yes, at some point in life’

If I have to be honest, I will say that whenever I ask myself that question, the answer usually sits between “maybe, maybe not”. Not that I saddle myself with the responsibility of trying to get married, or even crave an engagement ring so bad I cannot imagine my life without one, but the relationship department seems to be getting tougher to maneuver and if we ask any millennial their conviction about dating in the 21st century, the response you will certainly get is ‘Dating is hard!’, so imagine a world where just dating is hard, how then does relationship transcend into the forever commitment we call marriage?

Using myself as an example, in just the last few months alone, I have had an uncanny number of terrible encounters; from men who say all you need to hear and when it is time to act they just do the opposite, to the ones who come back from their hiatus, apologize for being the douche bag they were and hope you could just give them another chance and just when you say “let me just try” they relapse back to their old behaviour like an alcoholic with separation anxiety.

The worst are the ones who seem like such nice men with home training, they speak well, behave right, even follow due process (ask you to dinner, take you to breakfast, almost ask your permission before they kiss you). Then you let down your guard, you stop looking for the flaws, you stop thinking he is going to fall off the wagon, you stop assuming he is going to follow the rest, you start looking forward to his calls, you allow yourself blush when he texts, your eyes leap whenever your friends ask you about him, basically you have fallen into the hole you swore never again to and you have no idea how deep it is. Then one day, randomly you come across a picture on his social media page and the caption is “She said yes” haha!

You look at your finger; you know it so wasn’t you. You already know you have been played yet again, at this point the question “where do I meet all these ones” is constantly knocking at the back of your mind, because it is almost impossible for one person to meet all these psychopaths but you are greeted with the consolation then you realize “Another douche-bag, another bullet dodged”. So if you ask me why dating is hard especially for millennials, it is because an honest and sincere relationship seems to be on par with travelling to moon and back, with so many intricacies making this process such a daunting one; from the need to always be dishonest, to broken people unable to confront their truths, falling in love sounding like a thing of the 18th century, commitment seemingly an alien word, and most especially because we now live in a world where ideals and principles are considered archaic, in-depth relationship is rarely formed and whatever seemed normal in the past is highly relative.

However, If you cannot even be in a sustainable, committed relationship, for lack of finding partners who want to go through the process of getting to know you, realizing that there is a lot of work in being in a relationship, et all, what is the reality of finding an actual husband who will be there for you in sickness and in health and when the going gets really tough?

I think we all still crave deep relationships but no one is willing to put in the work so when I use the phrase “I crave a love so deep the oceans will be jealous” I almost cringe because it scares me that might never happen.

I guess the question “will I ever get married” will be answered with time paired with the optimism that there are still a few nice, sincere, people who share the same idealism I have.

2 Comments
  1. Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before Prince Charming comes along. It’s hard to get what you want but the wait would always be worth it.

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